Ghosts

“There is nothing worse
than ruining yourself for people
who aren’t worth it.”
– Nikita Gill

This one is for the friend that broke me.

You came into my life with a thick aura of nonchalance and left with the same and filled mine with anxiety and second-thoughts.

You came into my life and told me I could trust you and trust is all I did. So thank you for teaching me the lessons that I learnt because of that.

You came into my life right when it was a mess and I told you everything about the hurt and you patiently listened to me for hours. So thank you for that and also for gradually moving onto greater things and breaking me further.

You came into my life when yours was shitty and I happened to be the only friend you had besides another and we were a trio; we were fine. So thank you for leaving me with only the memories and not even a goodbye.

You came into my life and I introduced you to some of my favourite friends because I wanted all my favourite friends to know each other. My dream became a reality and we became a tight-knit group – until I realised you started cutting me out and no one saw me being cut out, not even me. No one saved me from falling out of my safe-haven. So thank you for pushing me out into the streets.

You came into my life and pushed me out of it slowly and I couldn’t even stop you and now you don’t even look back while I can’t stop reminiscing. I am still here, making this post for you but you have moved on past me, probably the way you usually do.

You came into my life and now I don’t even get to meet my friends together because they don’t invite me when you are there and you get invited to the gatherings before me. I was homeless in my mind after I lost the only friend I had to you and she didn’t even know what went on and hated me for falling out.

You came into my life and broke me, stripped my confidence, made me doubt myself and my self-worth, made it all my fault and you left without a fight, a goodbye even when I tried to hold on to you. You hurt me, then you framed me and yes I am agonised. I am agonised and sick of your double-faced game but I guess you don’t care now that you have friends who actually care about you unlike your previous shallow ones.

You came into my life and I ended up building walls that I wish I could bring down. But I am too scared dear. I am scared of letting in another you. I am scared you might come back in although I know you are done with me. I am happy for you, don’t get me wrong. But, I am not happy that you had to shatter my world and rob my nonchalance to build your new nest.

You came into my life and you broke me and this one is for you, a shallow, heart-broken girl-rant. I had to get it out.

Thank you, for breaking me.

Thank you, for leaving me behind.

Thank you, for not looking back.

Thank you, for the memories.

Thank you, for once being the person I told everything to.

Thank you.

Thank you for showing me the difference between ignorance and arrogance. It really is a thin line.

This is me finally deciding to leave you behind and picking myself up. This is me standing up after letting it all out.

This one is truly for you, A.

 

 

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